This post is not about losing my mind, but rather losing weight while living in the land of "everything is better with 'queso y crema' on it!"
I am the self-proclaimed Queen of Weightloss, when I want to be, and the Queen of "Meh, I'll do it later!", the rest of the time. I've struggled my whole life to have my seriously focused healthy-lifestyle mentality, which I can be really good at, be my dominant mindset, but it has been in constant battle with my "I'll do it later" tendencies and weaknesses through adjusting to life changes and disappointment.
Quick History on my weightloss successes and struggles through Childhood, High School, and College:
I was always a chubby kid (impulsive eater) but I always played sports, which kept me active and able fend off morbid obesity during childhood. I played soccer through 8th grade, and then volleyball and softball in high school until I messed up my shoulder Junior year. I had a brief moment of "thinness" in high school at age 16 due to a successful 40 lbs. weightloss on the Atkins diet. I landed my first boyfriend shortly after that, which I credited to the weightloss and improved self-esteem that it brought (boys finally noticed me). I never had good eating habits and that Atkins diet didn't teach me any maintainable weightloss skills--it was definitely a short-term fix. When that first boyfriend moved away to attend college out-of-state six months later and I lost my positions on the high school sports teams due to the shoulder problems I was having, I started my biggest weight gain trend during Senior year (depression-driven "life sucks" weight gain) and graduated from high school extremely overweight, not my favorite photo album to say the least. I can't say how much I weighed at graduation because I avoided scales like the plague.
I'm sure I gained the "freshman fifteen" that first year of college and then some, to put it mildly! The adjustment to moving to Boston (over 8 hours from home) and living on my own was hard enough without the constant access to unhealthy food in the university dining hall, which didn't help my waistline one bit. I topped the scale at over 300 pounds by my Sophomore year of college, which I finally had to face when I was forced to get on a scale for a class assignment and could not believe the number I saw staring back at me. That was the tipping point that led me to lose half of my body weight, 150 pounds, over my Junior and Senior year through dedication to exercise (going religiously 4X per week for an hour of cardio; nothing stopped me from going, not even 2 feet of snow) and healthy eating following the weightwatchers online program and cooking my own food. It was a HUGE accomplishment, which I now wish I had not taken for granted after reaching "goal".
The LAST 5 Years!
I can look back over the last 5 years since college and see all of the major events in my personal timeline that led me to being incredibly overweight again by 2008 and now seeing some significant progress here in 2010. The progression of how everything happened seems so clear in retrospect. Sometimes I can't believe it took 2 years to take off that incredible amount of weight and really 2 years to put the majority of it back on, never hit 300 again, but got frighteningly close. There was one year in there where I kept the weight off (even dropped a bit below that goal weight), but life got complicated and I recognize that I didn't create good routines for weight maintenance through several major life upheavals and changes.
Let's examine my personal timeline of the last 5 years:
2005
May Graduated from Boston University at 150 lbs.--GOAL WEIGHT!
June Moved to Virginia Beach and started living with with 6 foot 5, 280 lbs., boyfriend (same boyfriend who had moved away during high school--thought it was "meant to be" after we reunited). **PROBLEM: He ate every healthy snack I bought for myself before I even got a chance to open the boxes.** Happy, nonetheless, and trying to start my "real life."
June-Dec Worked 2 very active jobs with odd hours (bartending and "dressing/undressing" sets for a television production studio) which gave me the ability for the first time in my life to basically eat whatever I wanted and not gain weight--this led to bad eating habits again and much decreased usage of the gym. Dropped to about 145 lbs. at some point in there and remember having people tell me I looked "too skinny" and "unhealthy." Got very confused over how to feel about my body. Always had been a curvy girl, and no longer had any curves at that weight. Boobs had disappeared. Going from a generous D cup to hardly filling a B cup was devastating, and didn't know what to do about it.
2006
Jan Got the first "dreaded office job" sitting on my ass 40 hours a week selling cruises tethered to my desk by a telephone headset. Again hours were weird, sometimes 4pm-1am, and my eating and gym habits had already deteriorated. The pounds started piling back on...
July 4th Broke up with "meant-to-be" boyfriend (PS, it wasn't meant to be), moved out. Pounds continued to pile on, but didn't notice and remember at least liking that I had a few curves back.
Fall Dated two guys at the same, a bad boy and an older man, living rebelliously... they both liked how I looked so continued to not watch my habits closely. Was attempting to go to the gym regularly and see a trainer (I was trying), but wasn't serious enough about it and definitely wasn't eating well. Pounds continued to pile on as the whole "weight" issue was ignored and scales were conveniently avoided...
Dec Got new job in Boston, packed up and moved back north to get life "back-on-track".
2007
Jan Started new job and moved in with new 6 foot 3, 230 lbs. boyfriend who's eating habits were even worse than mine, but he was almost a foot taller than me and had been an athletic swimmer before hurting his back...should have known better. Happy nesting period with lots of eating out and enjoying unhealthy food at home. Pounds continued to pile on...
Fall Looked at scale and could not believe I was over 250 lbs. again--remember shame in weighing more than my boyfriend and letting myself gain back 100 lbs and not even realizing it...unhappy with myself led to unhappiness in relationship...
Winter Started getting some healthy habits going, back at the gym, and finally lost a little bit of weight (first downward trend in a while).
2008
Jan Despite problems with boyfriend, planned New Years Skiing Trip to Killington, VT to celebrate healthier lifestyle and try to patch up relationship....TORE ACL on last day of trip, ruining all hope for continuing exercise upon return home, unhappiness returned and pounds started to pile on again.
Feb/Mar Recouped enough to walk and go on trips to London & New Orleans for work, but good eating habits had gone out the window without consistent exercise as motivation.
April ACL reconstructive surgery, working from home and stuck on the couch for a month...relationship continued to be strained as boyfriend had to "take care of me" and felt that he resented my incapacitation and the assistance I needed.
May Rehabilitation started and took all of my focus outside work, eating habits were not improved, self-esteem was LOW. Weight was back up around 280 lbs. after 4 months of barely walking and feeling completely defeated...this was the frighteningly close moment to being all the way back at square one!!!
July Moved out of apartment shared with boyfriend once I could walk on my own (tired of being resented), and moved in with immature college-age roommates that nearly drove me insane as relationship crashed and burned through seperation. Weight was the last thing on my mind...
Sept Moved into 1 room studio without roommates (hallelujah!) and started attending weightwatchers meeting with coworker, also joined gym across the street from apartment.
Dec Lost about 20 lbs. by the end of the year! Back on track...I thought.
2009
Jan-Aug ZERO progress on weightloss front, was again going to the gym 1-2 times per week and seeing a trainer, but couldn't get eating habits under control for long enough periods for progress--lots of 2 week starts and stops. Spent heaps of time questioning future and life prospects and feeling a bit lost, and FAT! Planned as many trips as possible as escapes (6 weeks in Mexico for work, 1 week in India for friend's wedding, 9 days in Belize, and a week-long cruise to Alaska), at least my passport was getting a workout.
Aug-Dec MOVED TO MEXICO for work!! Fulfilled life-long dream to live/work abroad. Shaky adjustment period of finding an apartment, a car, and finally a gym...once that piece was found, finally felt like progress was being made, BUT frustrations about work led to more uncertainty and ZERO progress on weightloss front. PLUS, lots of yummy new MEXICAN foods to try didn't help matters. At year's end, weight was exactly the same as it had been at the start of the year. AT LEAST THERE WAS NO UPWARD MOVEMENT ON SCALE, this was recognized as small success.
2010
Jan NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION: Lose this damn weight! New life-style routine started with 4-5 visits to the gym per week to do 50 minutes of cardio on the elliptical machine, no excuses. New eating habits: always eat breakfast, less carbs (no chips/beans with lunches), no fried foods, low-calorie snacks kept in drawer at work, larger meal eaten mid-afternoon, smaller dinners. Tracking what I eat on weightwatchers.com more often.
March (Today) 20 lbs. LOST!! (40 lbs. down from 2008 post-knee injury weight) Back on track...
So there you have it, the EPIC tale of Cara's on-going weightloss journey. I'm pretty damn proud of myself at the moment for getting myself back in a losing pattern despite being in a foreign country and surrounded by some of the most delicious, unhealthy, inexpensive food in the world. I keep reminding myself right now, it's all about creating a sustainable healthy routine and not making excuses. I'm also working very hard on not beating myself up for momentary lapses in healthy eating, which have derailed me over and over again during the last 5 years. I remind myself that tomorrow is another day and another chance to make better choices. Staying single is also helping! (Men, geesh, who needs 'em?) I don't want to speak too soon...but I think the Queen of Weightloss is asserting her dominance again. I think she's been missing her thrown, and maybe, just maybe, she's been able to crush the Queen of "Meh, I'll do it later" into submission.
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